What have I done?
by AmeliaMordant
Summary: What happened before the Genetic Opera?  17 years of Shilo's life, mostly spent in her bedroom. Each chapter takes place one year later after the last one.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of these characters. Also, I don't own this world. It all belongs to Darren Lynn Bousman and Terrance Zdunich.

**A/N:** First story I've ever written in english... I hope it turns out to be good. :)

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**Prologue**

Marni smiled as Nathan handed her the glass of water with medication in it. Even though he was young, he had been able to find a cure for her rare blood disease. Also, Nathan was sure that it'd keep the illness from passing on to their little girl who was supposed to be born in about a month.

Marni stood on her tiptoes to place a kiss on Nathan's lips before she drank the whole glass in one sip. Nathan had warned her that it probably wouldn't taste good, but it actually had no taste at all.

She didn't even have time to put the glass down, when she already started feeling dizzy. Before she could fall, Nathan caught her and rapidly put away the glass on the table. _Did I make something wrong with the medication?_ ran through his head. Marni started coughing blood. After that, there was not much to remember… Blood… Crying child… Police… And Marni… Marni… "Oh god, what have I done…"

**1. chapter – 1 year**

"Alright darling, just stay here, until daddy comes, okay?" Nathan said, hugging Shilo. The little girl babbled something back and her father looked at her wistfully. "You look exactly like your mother… Her eyes…" he said, smiling sadly. After a few seconds of silence, which was disturbed only a bit by the ticking of the clock on the wall, he put Shilo back on her huge canopy-bed and left the room.

Little Shilo didn't look like other one year olds - she was smaller, since she was taken out of her mother's womb too early, and her black hair was way too long.

Nathan had made her the wig out of Marni's hair, as soon he had found out that the medication he gives her against the blood disease her mother had passed on to her, doesn't let her hair grow. But it looked just ridiculous - the hair was about 5 centimetres longer than the little one.

When her father left, Shilo had followed him with her eyes. Now she was attempting to crawl out of the bed, but that attempt ended in failure, so she just rolled from side to side until she fell out. Quietly she started sobbing, which soon developed into loud crying. But her father didn't hear a thing, since he was on the other side of the house.

Few hours later Nathan returned from work. Silently he opened the door. "Honey, are you sleeping?" he asked, half-whispering. Of course, even if Shilo was awake, she didn't talk yet so there was no way of getting a response.

Quietly he stepped over to the bed and almost had a panic attack. Shilo wasn't there. Instead of trying to look for the girl he sat on the bed and then saw a little body on the floor. It was Shilo, who had fallen asleep after some time of crying. Quickly he took the girl into his arms.

Little one woke up being moved around and started crying again. Nathan saw a little bruise on her head and groaned. He was a horrible father. He should've never left Shilo alone like this. Now she was hurt and it was all Nathan's fault...


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of these characters. Also, I don't own this world. It all belongs to Darren Lynn Bousman and Terrance Zdunich.

**A/N:** A little bit about Nathan's childhood. It was very fun writing it. ^^

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**2. chapter – 2. year**

Nathan was in his bedroom, looking through the box labeled "Things from my childhood". Every few seconds he found things that made him remember his childhood.

A teddy bear… It used to say "Hug me!" when Nathan pushed its belly. No sound came from the bear that was once named Billy. He thought it was just worn out. How many years ago did he get it?

_**Flashback**_

"_Happy third birthday darling!" Nathan's mom happily shouted, bursting into__ the little boy's bedroom. It was filled with cars – Nathan was a complete car-fanatic at that time. Shelves were filled with pictures of cars and car-models. Even the bed was car-shaped and it had a special button what you could click so the car made motor noises._

_Nathan immediately woke up. "Birdday!" he shouted happily and tried to grab the fancifully packed box from her arms._

_Just at that moment the little boy's father walked in. "Victoria, I told you to wait until I get dressed too so we could congratulate him together!"_

"_Oh… I'm really sorry, I just couldn't wait to see his excitement," Victoria smiled brightly and placed a little kiss on her husband's mouth. "Oh, also, darling, it's not "birdday", it's "b-i-r-t-h-d-a-y. Pronounce after me," she said without giving her son the present yet._

"_B-i-r-… Birth? Day? Was it correct?" Nathan asked and tried to grab the present again._

"_Yes, it was, good boy!" his mother said and handed__ him the present. Nathan ripped off the yellow wrapping paper rapidly and after a second, with a bit of disappointment in his voice, said: "A… Teddy bear…"_

_His father smirked. "I told you Victoria! Here, I have a present too for you," he said to Nathan. While the little boy was opening that present, her mother tried to explain that the bear says something when you press its tummy, but Nathan wasn't really listening – he had found a racing car model, which he had wanted for oh so long, but his parents had said it was too expensive. He shrieked with joy and jumped up to hug his father…_

_**End of flashback**_

Nathan hugged the teddy bear tightly. Back then he didn't think about the teddy bear as anything important for him, only cars were… But now the cars were not important at all - most of them were broken and discarded – and the teddy bear was like a little chip of a memory. And he never thanked his mother for that present… Nathan missed his father and mother… and his grandparents too.

The next thing that Nathan found from the box was a locket. He tried to open it but it was jammed.

_**Flashback**_

"_Nathan, please come out from your room for a second!"_

_Nathan grumbled. He wasn't a child anymore, he was almost eighteen! He didn't need his parents to tell him what to do. If he doesn't want to go, then he won't._

"_Nathan!"_

_He didn't do anything, only turned the music louder._

_After about a minute, a sharp knock was heard on the teenager's room's door. "Come out this instant! Grandma is here!"_

"_Yeah, well I'll come out when dinner is ready… I mean, granny can wait and so… I have friends in messenger who I want to chat to and-"_

"_Out! Right. Now. Or do you want to be grounded for a year? Without a computer I mean, of course."_

_Instantly the teenager turned off the computer without even saying bye to his computer friends – he knew that it would take too much time._

_**End of flashback**_

Nathan closed his eyes. Grandma had given him this locket that day. It had a picture of their whole family – Nathan's grandparents, his parents, Nathan himself and even their family dog, Rolf, in it.

A month later, his grandmother had died. She was one of the first people to have an organ failure. Soon after that almost everybody had organ failures. Nathan's whole family died because of that. Died before GeneCo was even made.

Nathan tried to hold the tears but they still came. He would've liked Shilo to meet his parents, maybe even grandparents. But she wasn't even able to meet her own mother…

Shilo roamed towards his father. "Dadda?" she asked with a sad look on her face.

Nathan quickly wiped the tears away and managed to smile. "Don't worry, darling, I'm okay. I was just looking for… There it is," he said, pulling out a book that was over 20 years old. It was made for children to learn colour names.

He put Shilo back to her bed and gave her the book to examine.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of these characters. Also, I don't own this world. It all belongs to Darren Lynn Bousman and Terrance Zdunich.

**A/N: **Sorry for the long delay... I even had it written, but I just couldn't bring myself to posting it, for some reason... :]

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**3. chapter - 3. year**

Shilo lied on her bed, crayons everywhere around her. Her father was sitting next to her, watching his little girl drawing a picture. When Shilo was drawing she seemed to be in a completely different world. She forgot everything around her. The only thing for her was the paper in front of her face.

A few minutes later she had finished with her drawing. Curiously her eyes looked upon his father while she was giving him the paper. "What do you think?" she asked. Her voice didn't sound like most children's voices did – it was much more mature. Since she didn't get to go out to play with other children, she had much more time to talk with her father, which had made her already think of things that kids of her age shouldn't really think. For an example – death. They had talked about it a lot with her father starting from the time Shilo learned to talk. Her father had explained her that Marni would always be there with them – even when they can't see her. That Marni would be a guardian angel, who will always watch them and make sure everything is alright.

Nathan looked at the picture, Shilo's eyes still following him. After a while he smiled, folded the paper and put it into his pocket. "I think it's wonderful. You're just as good as your mother was and…" Nathan felt he was losing his voice again. _Marni. What did I do? It's all my fault I-_

"Daddy? Is everything okay?" Shilo asked. His father had that weird look again. He had it always, when Marni came into discussion. "You didn't finish your sentence and now you're so sad…" Shilo frowned a little. The thought of his father being sad made her sad too.

_Shilo. I must think about her, and stop thinking about..._ "Yes, sweetheart, everything is alright, I'm just a bit… tired of work. Don't worry. What I was going to say was that…" _Dammit, you have to finish your sentence!_ ran through his head. "That you are just as good as mommy was at drawing and maybe one day, when you're older, I'll buy you a better drawing and painting kit. Do you like that idea?"

A large smile came on Shilo's face. "Yes! But… Are you sure I can't get it right now?"

Nathan smiled. "Not yet sweetheart. But if you keep drawing and practicing, then it will be coming quicker than you'd think."


End file.
